And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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