If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Randomize
