Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
