just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
She needs sedatives and a leash
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
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