I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
Randomize
