I have demons in me.
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
Randomize
