what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
