one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Randomize
