so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
