Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
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I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
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You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
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