I'm sorry my penis didn't work
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
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