I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
