The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
Randomize
