youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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