3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
