Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Randomize
