Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
Randomize
