I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Randomize
