in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
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