remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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