Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Randomize
