Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
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