I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Randomize
