That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Randomize
