after a month anything with tits is on the radar
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
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