the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
