The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
