i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
