I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize
