i just had sex bonerless
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
Randomize
