Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Randomize
