I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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