I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
Randomize
