And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
