I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
