dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
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