I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
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