she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
