All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
Randomize
