Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Randomize
