To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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