Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
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