I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
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