Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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