Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
