If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
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