Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
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