Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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