sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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