My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
