This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
I did not marry a roomba.
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