I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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