it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
