dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
Randomize
