the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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