Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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