he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Randomize