So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
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