hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
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