totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
This is classic penis vs brain.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
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