My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Randomize
