Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
a search helicopter?!
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
