I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
