I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Randomize
