found the other keg... it's in the tree
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
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