Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Randomize
