matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
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i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
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hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
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