you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
