sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
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