Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
