I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
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