I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Randomize
