Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
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