Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
Randomize
