Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
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