there's paper in my vomit.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
