Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
Randomize
