belinda wants 2 know wr u got ur butt pads
i dont wear butt pads that thang is au naturel
Yeah...right...LMAO
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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