2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
Randomize
