you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
Randomize
